Surviving college life

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Can you believe that it’s already halfway through February?
It’s scary how time flies.

So anyway, I’m here now. I’m currently studying Foundation Studies in Trinity College Melbourne. That explains my absence for weeks. It’s still orientation week so I can update out and about of my life more frequently. It’s going to be an exciting year ahead.  Or perhaps the tempo of my life is going to be hectic. Not to mention the walking distance in the main campus is very demanding.  I wonder how many kilometers I’ve walked. Even so, college life is full of surprises. I’m enjoying being a college student 🙂

Try not. Do or do not. There is no try.

There’s no pretending.

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I’m sick of pretending.

The hardest thing to do in life is to pretend to be what you’re not. Because pretending is hard. Lying to yourself every waking hour of everyday isn’t easy. I know that I’m lucky and should be grateful for everything I have, what gets me are those things, those people who I have lost, who have left me, those whom life has pushed away from me. I pretend that they never mattered, that I couldn’t be happier, but the truth is I feel so incomplete, so unhappy, so empty of any hope whatsoever. I hate myself. I hate what I’ve become. I hate that I can’t just move on like any normal human being can.

What if…I’m pretending?

Love letter.

My brain doesn’t work on Monday.

Dear Monday,

Thanks for having the word “mon” in you. That’s French for “mine”, in case you were aware, Monday, but it makes me think of you more as “my day”, and frankly that sounds like a much more promising start to the week.

Best, Rachel.

Why are the weekends so far from Mondays but Mondays are so near from the weekends?

Saying bye to fantasy, hello reality.

The reality is cruel, is really cruel.

Isn’t reality just grand, realizing life isn’t a fairy tale or like in the movies. Everybody in our lives that we meet, or call family, friend or lover all eventually moves on. Leaving us in one way or the other, and we have to accept this is what life is about and move on with it.

This is the reality of life, welcome to it.

Hello world, hello world.

New start. New beginnings.

I’m back on my feet again, clearing up my mind. This is where the chapter ends and new one out begins time has come for letting go. Now the page is turned. I’m about to have the greatest time of my life in a month time. College life is a life of freedom, perhaps? The thought of leaving home makes my stomach drop. When I think about it, I feel queasy and sad. Here are just a few of the small things about being here: Sipping freshly brewed coffee. Taking a nap. Waiting for the traffic lights to change. Lazing on a Sunday afternoon. Being a total nuisance. Staring off into the night sky. Devouring local delicacies.  Reconnecting with friends. Consuming chocolates excessively. Being a couch potato.  Monday blues.  Choosing which way to spend the day: park, walk, walk through the park, bookstores, getting lost? Dancing like there’s no tomorrow. Being inspired. Watching The Notebook, again and again. Watching all the clouds pass. Ingest a truly Rasa Malaysia dish. Soaking in the bath tub. Reading Jane Austen’s til’ the day ends. Feasting on granny’s specialties. Watching out how the day passes. Forgetting what day it is. Late night conversations. Prep talk. Eat, pray and love. The list goes on and on and on and on. Never-ending.

You never realize what you have until it’s gone.